black woman smiling as she sits in a shopping cart

Lessons From Letting Myself Go

sSometimes, I get really anxious at night. My mind starts wandering to all the things I’m uncertain and insecure about: by the time I’m ready to enter the housing market will I be priced out? What if I never find a job I actually like? Does the fact that I’m a late bloomer mean that it’s too late for me to find a relationship?

Last night, as I not-so-gracefully gave myself over to the anxiety spiral, I read about a man who had his mugshot held for ransom. It basically ruined his life for a bit. Now, I don’t have a mugshot, but I do have a name twin. She has the same uncommon first and last name as me, and she’s made it her username all over the internet. So I googled my own name, as I sometimes do, just to make sure that nothing shady was going on.

I clicked a Facebook link, curious to see what my name doppelganger looked like, only to find that the Facebook profile was actually mine. It was a page from the hormonal, angst-filled cringefest of my early teens, and I had long ago abandoned it. “Abandoned” meaning that I logged out one day and never signed in again, leaving it up for the whole world to find on Google.

Naturally, I logged in to change my privacy settings, because no future employer or date needs to see how awkward I was at age 13. Curious about this time in my life that I try not to think about, I started clicking through my old photos. Was my hair really that healthy? And was I really that cute?

And then it hit me: I’ve let myself go.
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black maxi dress driftyness

What a Black Maxi Dress Taught Me About Managing My Finances

WWhen I saw it, I gasped. The perfect loose-yet-draping-in-the-right-places dress. It was long and covered my legs, which meant I could skip the lotion if I was running late (#girlhacks). The V-neck cut was décolletage friendly without leaving me feeling overexposed, the thin and seamless straps made it look a little more designed than your average black maxi dress, and the material was one that wouldn’t start forming those horrid little balls that make whole outfits look shabby.

It wasn’t crazy expensive, but as a grad student with a limited income, I still had to save up for it. I calculated how long it would take for me to get it, and I checked on the dress a few days later.

To my horror, it was sold out and hasn’t been restocked since. My feelings were hurt, and to be honest, I’m still a little salty.

It bugged me even more because this has happened before on multiple occasions. Bombshell little black dress for a ridiculous price? Can’t afford it. Cute statement jewellery that matches my glasses? Too broke. Flash sale at one of my favourite stores? Not enough money for that, sorry.

I think I’ve got it half right in that I shouldn’t be spending money I don’t have, but I think I’m half wrong in not being prepared for situations that are only partly unpredictable: I know that they’ll happen, but I just don’t know when.

Join me as I try to get myself together.

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dior ball gown pink dress evening

The Time I Lost My Edges at the ROM Dior Exhibit

BBoth the Royal Ontario Museum and Dior will be receiving bills for my Jamaican black castor oil.

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Book Review: The Defining Decade by Meg Jay, PhD

the defining decade meg jay review

aAdulting has been hitting me hard lately, girl. I got the sudden and rather difficult message that life is finite and what I do with myself and my time counts. My 20s feels like a scribble: a bunch of squiggles (experiences, hopes, likes, dislikes, memories) that I often can’t make heads or tails of. Sometimes I get so confused as to where my life is headed that I start to panic and do things. Things like anxiously waiting for The Defining Decade by Meg Jay to be back in circulation at the library.

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Relaxed Hair Review: It’s a 10 Miracle Leave-In Product

 

its a 10 leave in review relaxed hair

MMy texlaxed hair is drier than the Sahara Desert and rejects pretty much every product that claims to be able to help it. My search for The One–the leave in conditioner that will actually moisturize my hair & not weigh it down–continues.

It’s a 10 Miracle Leave-In Product makes ten claims about the hair magic it can do. Here’s how it delivered on my hair.

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